The Control Problem No One Talks About in Ministry

Most leaders would not describe themselves as controlling. I certainly would not have thought of myself that way. Yet it creeps in. That desire to make sure things are done right. Done your way. Control rarely feels like control for the leader. It feels like responsibility. Like stewardship. Like making sure things are done properly.

Underneath a great deal of stalled multiplication is a control problem that almost no one names out loud. The leader is holding on — to decisions, to quality, to the way things are done — far more tightly than they realize. And that grip, however well-intentioned, is quietly strangling the very thing they are trying to grow. And yes, I’mspeaking from personal experience.

Why Control Feels So Reasonable

The logic of control is always reasonable. If I release this to someone less experienced, they might do it poorly. They might teach something slightly off. They might lead the group in the wrong direction. People might be hurt. The work might suffer.

All of that may be true. Control protects against those risks. But it protects against them by preventing the very thing that produces multiplication: ordinary people taking real ownership and learning by actually doing, including by making mistakes. Our fear of mistakes and messes is a major barrier to movements being released.

Yes, there will be messes and mistakes. And yes, you will have to help clean them up. But who ever tried to raise a child without a mess? If we never let them try (and even fail), we will never develop people into leaders of leaders, or disciples who make disciples.

Jesus released His disciples, knowing they would get things wrong. He sent them out before they were ready by any reasonable standard (Luke 9 &10). He let Peter walk on water and sink. His release was not careless. It was His calculated method of forming disciples who would change the world when He returned to the Father. He understood something we often resist: people grow into responsibility by carrying it, not by waiting until they have proven they deserve it.

Where Control Hides in Cross-Cultural Work

This control problem becomes especially acute in cross-cultural work, both in the US and abroad. I want to mention it specifically. The area where we tend to most control has to do with finances. Because we are raising the funds, we feel responsible for making sure they are used well. That itself is part of the problem. Instead of relying from the beginning on the insiders to the culture we are focusing on reaching, to provide for themselves, to initiate and own the work from Day 1, we somehow feel they are not capable of it or are too poor to do that. Soweprovide. And we control. Often without even realizing we are doing so.

Releasing control in cross-cultural contexts is not easy but is even more necessary. The cultural insider will lead in ways the outsider would not have chosen — and that is not a problem to be managed. It is part of the beauty of working cross-culturally. They understand their people in ways you never will. Trust the Holy Spirit in them. And be willing to come alongside if things don’t work out.

What Trust Makes Possible

The alternative to control is not carelessness. It is trust — trust in God, trust in the people you have invested in, and trust in the process you have modeled. Trust still coaches. It still cares deeply about quality. But it releases freely.

When you let go, something happens that control can never produce. People rise to the challenge. They surprise you. They take what you gave them and carry it further and into places you could never have reached. The work becomes genuinely theirs, and what is theirs is what they will reproduce in others. Not always, but the vast majority of the time. Will you trust and be disappointed? Definitely. But there really is no alternative. Control simplydoesn’tproduce multiplying disciples.

So here is a hard question worth asking honestly: where are you holding on too tightly? What would it look like to open your hands this month — to release something, or someone, you have been feeling hesitant to let someone else do in the name of responsibility?

Letting go is rarely easy, and it helps to talk through questions and pray about these challenges with others. If you want to wrestle with the control question alongside disciple-makers and leaders learning the same thing, come find us at multipliersmindset.com/dtmmembership.There will also be an Exploring Further article on this topic coming out this month for those who subscribe.

Something to Think About and Discuss:

• Be honest: where might control be hiding in your ministry under the name of responsibility or quality?

• What resonated with you most in this article?

• What is one thing — a decision, a task, a relationship — you couldrelease tosomeone else this month?

Share in the comments below or on our Dare to Multiply community.